Once upon a time

There was a cheerful and creative boy who wanted to be a mayor or a priest. As a child he was a sensitive kid, a dreamer and he had a very rich imagination. He was a clown and liked to entertain others with theater and music plays.

As a teenager, he felt like an outsider in his home, his village and in society. He began to isolate himself, playing computer games. He chose to study Computing, a world where he felt safe. In his late adolescence, he began to rebel; he surrounded himself in dark clothing and music and started creating a destructive lifestyle. He felt insecure, depressed and lonely, which he tried to suppress by various addictions and other distractions. A visible addiction was binge eating. This filling of his inner emptiness created a physical protective layer of body fat.

As a young adult, he chose to study social-work to help (other) troubled youths. After he completed his studies and while working with troubled young people, he was still in a downward spiral of depression, low self-esteem, social anxiety, abusing substances, addictions and a bodyweight of 150 kilogram.

This young man was me in 2009


My big change

Came when I reached the point where the scale literally said E R R O R. This was the biggest eye opener in my struggle. From that point on I chose ‘life’, to make it worthwhile, to live long, to work on myself and be a better, a healthier, more energetic, conscious, loving and friendlier version of myself. I lifted myself up with dieting, learning to eat properly and healthily, learning to exercise and have a more active lifestyle. The most important key element for me was alternative counseling. For two years I dedicated a lot of my time doing sessions with NLP, hypnosis, primal regression, voice-dialogue, energy healing, systemic and constellation work. This was a tough but healing journey that I traveled. My determination made me go further every time when I was having a downturn.

Over the last seven years I dedicated most of my time and money to inner growth and development. I just finished a 4-year study where I learned all the counseling techniques, which had helped me in my process. I have completed many workshops and undertaken many hours of trainings in mindfulness, meditation, tantra, psychedelic plant medicines and shamanism. Even though I still face my challenges in life, I am now at a place where I could not even imagine being seven years ago. Each day I celebrate and honour my life with improved clarity of mind, self-confidence, weight loss, productivity and improved overall health and mood!

 
 

My life purpose

In 2016 I quit my job as a coach working with (foster) parents and children. For almost 10 years I have dedicated my working life to troubled youth and their families in the youth care system. I could not commit anymore to a system that in my experience is unhealthy and ruled by money, bureaucracy and fear.

My life purpose is…. *currently under revision*.


My big five for life are…. *currently under revision*

If you can help or support me with my life purpose or my big five for life, please let me know 🙂

Why focusing on men?

In the last few years my attention has been taking up with inner men’s work. In many of the men focused workshops and courses I discovered a new world where I reconnected with my masculinity, which to me means the powerful combination of primal rawness, power, dedication, focus and leadership together and in balance with vulnerability, sensitivity and love. Men’s work is all about supporting men in their development and transformation towards a conscious and authentic masculine identity. My own transformation to becoming a conscious man makes me feel the longing to help other men in their own journey of transformation.

My practices

Meditation is a practice where you train the mind or induce a mode of awareness, to realize some benefit or for the mind to simply acknowledge its content without becoming identified with that content. Meditation has given me a deep understanding of my inner world and ego and it creates a space of awareness and relaxation of the mind, body and soul.
I practice different kinds of meditations:
– Inward conscious meditations
– Outward conscious meditations
– Active Osho meditations
– Active relationally mediation (circling)
– Music meditations (chanting, drumming etc)

The word Tantra means “to extend, expand, spread, continue, spin out, weave, to put forth or manifest”. Living tantrically is to allow all that is present inside you, to flow with what is actually happening rather than to resist it. For me practicing a Tantric lifestyle has allowed me to open up to the divine and be more out of the way of my ego and let spirit guide me instead of my head. Through Tantra I have healed and reconnected with my body, desires and sexuality.

For me being among men creates a space where I can open myself and share the issues of my life without the fear of ridicule or judgement. Through connection with other men I can tap into my shadows and I can work to bring them into the light. For many years I did not feel connected to my masculinity. As a result of attending various men’s work courses and men’s groups I continue to feel the power and vulnerability from my masculine core. I honour brotherhood and all the men who I have shared and worked with and the many who have inspired me.

Practicing a healthy lifestyle is an important part of my life, as I have had many challenges with this in the past. When I struggle and have setbacks I try to be soft and gentle to myself but keep the focus on how I can give my body everything it needs instead of what my cravings are sometimes yelling for. For keeping good health I don’t eat meat or drink alcohol. I try to be conscious about processed food, sugar and caffeine. I exercise to develop strength, endurance and flexibility to keep my body healty.

Especially for men, anger can be a front for other feelings like sadness, frustration, loneliness or powerlessness. We all know how anger can be expressed in a violent and invasive way. Through anger work you let go of emotionally painful events by focusing on them and expressing anger about the pain. When it’s appropriate I use a stick to hit a cushion and my voice to release my rage, or work this out in a setting with other men. Expressing my anger in a safe way feels very liberating for me and allows me to dive into a wide spectrum of emotions.

In my journey to become a healthier man I had to tap into my discipline and commitment. I practice discipline and making commitments to keep myself in line and support my healthy behavior’s. Motivation can slip even though you really believe in your practice and it’s benefits, a very powerful practice I use to keep myself motivated is committing to a men’s group or by finding a support buddy to both work and check in with regularly.

My inspirations

I would like to thank my family, friends and brothers for their support in my journey of transformation and healing. Also I would like to thank and honour all the people who have been my teachers, inspiration or mirrors in my life. I would like to introduce a few:


Katelijne Vermeulen

is a very devoted and skilled therapist and teacher. And also a dear friend. She has been a big part of my growth, both personally as professionally. I would definitely recommend her!

Click Me!

Rens Hendriks

is a psychologist and oracle which I also would like to recommend. I have been visiting Rens for a short while now, but must say that he played a big part in my process of stepping into the movement of my soul, of my true being.

Click Me!

Sujith Ravindran

is an amazing teacher & author of personal mastery and men's work. I am very inspired by the passion, compassion and integrity Sujith radiates through his work and being. I am very exited in our collaboration of initiation work with boys.

Click Me!

Darryl Anka (Bashar)

channels a multi--dimensional being called Bashar. Sounds strange isn't it? All I can say is that the first time I saw a video of his Q&A I was astonished. Bashar has inspired me so much on following my highest exitcement and joy, watch and be amazed 🙂

Click Me!

Carlos Castaneda

was an anthropologist and author. He has written books about his teachings with an Mexican shaman, Don Juan. His books have inspired me so much on my spiritual path as a man, a warrior, and it introduced me to the usage of psychedelic plant medicines.

Click Me!

David Deida

is a author and trainer of sexual and spiritual relationships. His teachings about the masculine and feminine essence have deeply inspired and enriched me as a man and lover.

Click Me!

My inspirations

I would like to thank my family, friends and brothers for their support in my journey of transformation and healing. Also I would like to thank and honour all the people who have been my teachers, inspiration or mirrors in my life. I would like to introduce a few:


Katelijne Vermeulen

is a very devoted and skilled therapist and teacher. And also a dear friend. She has been a big part of my growth, both personally as professionally. I would definitely recommend her!

Click Me!

Rens Hendriks

is a psychologist and oracle which I also would like to recommend. I have been visiting Rens for a short while now, but must say that he played a big part in my process of stepping into the movement of my soul, of my true being.

Click Me!

Sujith Ravindran

is an amazing teacher & author of personal mastery and men's work. I am very inspired by the passion, compassion and integrity Sujith radiates through his work and being. I am very exited in our collaboration of initiation work with boys.

Click Me!

Darryl Anka (Bashar)

channels a multi--dimensional being called Bashar. Sounds strange isn't it? All I can say is that the first time I saw a video of his Q&A I was astonished. Bashar has inspired me so much on following my highest exitcement and joy, watch and be amazed 🙂

Click Me!

Carlos Castaneda

was an anthropologist and author. He has written books about his teachings with an Mexican shaman, Don Juan. His books have inspired me so much on my spiritual path as a man, a warrior, and it introduced me to the usage of psychedelic plant medicines.

Click Me!

David Deida

is a author and trainer of sexual and spiritual relationships. His teachings about the masculine and feminine essence have deeply inspired and enriched me as a man and lover.

Click Me!

” To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other. ”
– Carlos Castaneda